


remember me

by cafeseok



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, XiuHan - Freeform, kind of??, not rlly... but yea, nothing graphic, rated mature for a lil porn, sad boys, the rest of exo are mentioned, very briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 09:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17465174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafeseok/pseuds/cafeseok
Summary: do you remember, when the fireworks sparked?-in other terms, what should’ve, would’ve, could’ve happened after luhan followed minseok on instagram.





	remember me

**Author's Note:**

> title from oh my girl’s “remember me”. any and all mistakes are my own, this was not proof read bc i am Lazy as always. xiuhan r my babies pls be gentle with them. u can find me on twt (softsgirls)!

minseok remembers the night of their debut, sitting cramped in a van with five other boys laughing and letting out hollers of happiness. he remembers having to sit squished between zitao and jongdae, their thighs pressed against each other and little room for anything other than breathing. he remembers how yifan patted them on the shoulder, how he had to reach over the seat and almost smacked tao in the head. he remembers yixing couldn’t stop smiling. but mostly, mostly minseok remembers luhan. he can still see how clearly luhan’s eyes sparkled when they met, how it felt like ten thousand fireworks going off behind his ribcage.

of course he remembers.

minseok remembers their last performance with luhan. remembers how he and yixing didn’t want to leave his side, pulling him this way and that, helping him memorise how beautiful their silver ocean is, helping him remember what it felt like to be on top of the world. minseok remembers feeling like all the smoke from those fireworks was clogging up his head, making it harder to breathe.

of course he remembers.

it took it’s time, learning to live without him. minseok still thinks he can feel luhan’s lips on the back of his neck when he goes to sleep. he won’t tell anyone, but he misses him. misses the way luhan understood him, the way luhan would hold his hand when no one else could see, the way luhan lit fireworks in his chest. he never knew what they were; he never bothered to ask. they were together and that was enough. they were together, and then they weren’t. luhan was here, and then he wasn’t. minseok knows junmyeon sees it. minseok knows junmyeon feels it too. junmyeon knows minseok pretends he never saw him searching yifan’s instagram username three weeks ago just to see yifan’s face. yifan lit fireworks for junmyeon too. in a way,minseok knows junmyeon would understand. understand how it feels when the fireworks die and all that’s left is the smoke. understand how it feels when the smoke starts to suffocate you.

minseok gets the notification one day, out of the blue. he’s barely paying attention and almost misses it. his eyes dance back and forth over the username, trying to figure out what sick joke the universe is playing on him. he checks, and checks again, and a third time too. checks to make sure it’s real. luhan did follow him, and he wants to follow back more than anything he’s ever wanted in his life (aside from a long week vacation on an island off the coast but that’s another story). still, a small smile finds its way to his lips. he doesn’t tell anyone but he’s sure they all know with the way they smile at him the next few days.

it feels like maybe, _just maybe_ , the smoke is clearing.

months go by, and minseok’s finger hovers over the send dm button more times than one. it isn’t like his managers would find out, but he lets himself believe he’d be in trouble just so he can watch the message delete. one day, minseok remembers because it’s during the recording for a song on their new album, he gets a message from luhan. he shoves his phone into his pocket without looking at the words, too scared to find out what they are, too scared to see what luhan has to say after all these years.

_minseokie-hyung, it’s me. luhan. i’ve lost a bit of my korean, but i know enough to send this to you. is everyone well? yixing-hyung tries to keep me updated, he told me a new album will come out soon! he’s excited to work on the music video with you!! he misses you. i miss you. even if you don’t open this, i hope you know i think of you often. you were my best friend, always will be._

he doesn’t regret reading it, just as much as luhan never regrets sending it. minseok replies, and it’s like luhan never left. they talk in secret, dming at night and deleting the dms in the morning in case managers try to look. one day luhan sends him a video. he’s laying down on his bed, his eyes riddled with traces of sleep and his cheeks tinted like he drank a couple cups of wine. minseok thinks he looks beautiful.

“minseokie,” luhan starts off the video, holding the phone up above his face. his hair is splayed out behind his head. “i watched the tempo music video!! you all did so well!! are they still not giving you lines, though?” minseok has to laugh at that. “either way, everyone did good. little jongin isn’t so little anymore is he? he was always going to grow into himself like that. i’m proud of him. ah, i’m rambling aren’t i?” the video cuts there, with luhan covering his face to hide his blushing cheeks.

“lu,” minseok starts filming his video reply. “thank you for watching. we worked hard and even though it was tiresome, we all toughed it out. jongin enjoyed himself a lot,” he pauses to laugh. he finishes off saying how luhan can ramble all he wants. how it makes up for the lost time they have to get back.

he sees luhan in person at an award show in china. exo are invited and junmyeon almost begs lee soo man to let them go. _yifan_ _might_ _be_ _there_ , he tells minseok in a whisper that night. _i_ _need_ _to_ _know_ _he’s_ _alright_. junmyeon is still being suffocated. minseok understands.

luhan looks well put together and shines brighter than a thousand suns in minseok’s eyes. he’s paying no attention to the mc’s, no, he’s too busy staring at the brightest person in the room. luhan meets his gaze, and his eyes are still sparkling just like the night exo debuted. minseok remembers.

behind his ribcage, he feels the fireworks erupt.

luhan shoves him back against the bathroom door, one hand on his chest and the other to the lock. minseok hears it click, and it’s smooth sailing from there. he lets himself delve into luhan, lets himself melt against him like luhan is the only thing keeping him anchored to this earth.

there’s barely any room for breathing with the way luhan has himself pressed against minseok. their lips barely stop touching as they kiss, hands feverishly putting themselves wherever they can find hold, any place they can use to make sure this is _real_.

“missed you,” luhan breathes in chinese, his eyes fluttering closed as minseok runs a hand down his chest. minseok hums, hand stopping at luhan’s belt.

“i missed you more,” minseok says in korean, and luhan laughs softly.

neither of them care that people may look for them. neither of them care as they tug at their pants and leave sloppy kisses on their cheeks, that someone could hear them. no, because in this moment all that mattered was them. them and the fireworks bursting in their chests, reminding them of easier and happier times.

minseok slots himself between luhan’s thighs, attempting the next best thing aside from fucking him senseless against the bathroom door. to avoid messes they’ve shoved their pants down, luhans being a little too big and easily sliding to his ankles. minseok grinds his hips down, and luhan clutches at his back, burying his face in minseok’s shoulder.

it’s messy and sloppy and possibly, no most _definitely_ the dumbest thing minseok’s done. but he does it. one of his hands pulls one of luhan’s legs up around his waist for better leverage. makes it easier. the younger is letting out tiny gasps and whimpers each time minseok moves, and minseok feels like the room is way too hot.

he hears luhan whisper out pleas of _faster_ , _please_ _minseokie_ _you_ _gotta_ _go_ _faster_. but he wants to make it last. it matters to him. it matters how this all ends, because minseok isn’t sure he’s ever going to love anyone this much again.

in what feels like minutes too soon, luhan’s pulling minseok against him, gasping into the open air and minseok can’t imagine loving anyone else. can’t imagine how anyone else would fit so well against him. how anyone else could make the fireworks behind his ribcage explode like this.

they kiss again, but this time it feels like goodbye. it feels like minseok will have to learn to let luhan go for a second time.

“i love you,” the words are so soft minseok almost doesn’t hear them. luhan says them again, face hidden in minseok’s chest and tears staining his cheeks. “i love you now, and i’ll love you everyday until the next time i see you.”

minseok thinks it sounds too much like a promise, but he doesn’t mind. he says it back. he makes a silent promise to love luhan everyday until the last. they leave the bathroom separately, and baekhyun asks minseok if he was okay, he had been in there a while. minseok ignores the hole in his heart and nods, saying he just needed a breather.

from across the room, luhan watches as minseok shoos jongdae’s hand away from his cheek, and how baekhyun still smiles like the sun lives inside him and how chanyeol still looks at all of them like they are home and luhan knows minseok will be okay without him.

even when they hardly speak again, even when minseok starts to forget what luhan’s favorite candle is, and even when luhan can’t seem to put a name on the song minseok dedicated to them during their trainee days, they never, and _can’t_ , forget the way the fireworks still spark behind their ribs.

always hopeful, wishful, and waiting for the day they can erupt into flames again.


End file.
